


soggy clothes and breezeblocks

by lalalancey



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, but I couldn't stop myself from putting some in, the shance is little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-04-19 15:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14239809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalalancey/pseuds/lalalancey
Summary: When Lance woke up he knew right away that today was going to be an off day. There was a headache pulsing in the back of his head, it felt like his bones had turned to lead and there was a familiar itch under the skin of his forearms and thighs.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is 100% me self-projecting and trying to deal with my problems through little Lance.
> 
> Title is from the song Breezeblocks by alt-J.

When Lance woke up he knew right away that today was going to be an off day. There was a headache pulsing in the back of his head, it felt like his bones had turned to lead and there was a familiar itch under the skin of his forearms and thighs. It took more time than it should’ve to force himself out of bed, to try and fill the crater that had formed in his chest overnight. Once he was finally up he barely had energy to make himself look presentable, forgoing his usual self care routine to just throw on his armor and drag himself to breakfast.

Before entering the kitchen he gave himself a minute to draw in a deep breath that made his ribs ache and forced a smile on that he hoped didn’t look too strained. 

“Good morning everyone!” He announced, and tried to not let it hurt to much when Hunk was the only one who responded with a smile and his own good morning. Pidge was too engrossed in whatever coding was on their laptop, Keith just gave him a grumble and a little flicker of his eyes that could barely pass as acknowledgement, and Shiro just nodded with a small obligatory smile on. The sting bled through and formed a knot in his throat that made any noise Lance was planning on making after that impossible. 

Lance silently put together his breakfast of food goo and water pouch, and he distantly hoped that they were able to stop somewhere so Hunk could pick them up real food at some point though he knew even if it was real food he’d barely be able to eat any like this. He took his usual seat next to Hunk and was simultaneously happy and upset when he realized Hunk had started up a conversation he didn’t understand with Pidge and didn’t notice he was there.  
A part of him wanted people to notice him and interact with him, to be a part of things. But another part of him, one that was currently in control at the moment and painfully contracting his chest, told him that he should just be glad they’re his friends at all and that he shouldn’t be annoying about it. Lance couldn’t argue with that, so he settled to picking at his food in silence.

Breakfast was silent, Lance only managing a few bites before he couldn’t anymore, until Allura and Coran came in and announced it was a free day as they were working on ship repairs from their last major battle. Lance stayed back and watched everyone disappear to do what they were going to do for the day, in pairs. Shiro and Keith, of course. Then Pidge and Hunk, still talking about some techy thing. Lance was left with a growing hole in his chest and a still full plate.

After Lance dumped his food into the trash and headed to training room, praying that Keith and Shiro weren’t there. He didn’t have the energy to train and pretend to want to talk to people. 

Especially Keith and Shiro, two people he admired and maybe a little more than admire. He didn’t want them to know he was weak, that nothing can keep him in bed all day or if it’s really bad, all week. But he couldn’t do that anymore. He was a defender of the universe, not a fantastic one, probably the worst, but still. A lot was riding on him not having bad days, or falling into bad habits. Any of them. So he needed to push through this, not be weak.  
Thankfully the training room was empty, strange considering it’s rare for Shiro or Keith to not be here in their free time, but Lance didn't think on it too much. He just kicked off the training, deciding he should focus on his sword fighting for now. Keith was right when he said he was terrible at close combat, and he’d be much more useful if he was better. He should earn his place here.

Lance doesn’t know how long he trained, and he ignored the fact that he may have been more reckless than usual, not finding it in him to care if he took a few extra hits here and there. Finally though, when his limbs were heavy with actual fatigue and his trouble breathing had an actual reason he headed to the showers. 

In the shower Lance took inventory of his newly acquired wounds, making sure none of them were serious enough cause an issue. The most serious were some killer bruises forming on his ribs and his lip was split open and a little swollen, but other than that nothing to dangerous. A small part of him was disappointed, but he tried to bury it. Unfortunately, he found it harder than usual when he caught sight of the fading scars on his arms and thighs the itching under his skin got stronger and his breath caught.

The voice in his head got louder as well. Telling him how long it’d been. How it would feel good. How it would release the tension in his shoulders and the loosen the knot in his throat. But Lance pushed against the voice, biting into the split in his lip and digging his fingers into his bruises instead to quell the voice.

After the shower Lance got dressed in casual clothes with hands that were almost shaking violently but forced himself to leave his room instead of curling up on his bed like he wanted to, he knew that if he did that he would just wallow and would probably miss dinner, he’d already missed lunch. Hunk wouldn’t like that, he’d worry, and Lance didn’t want him to. He already had way too much on his plate as it was, with his own anxieties and such.  
Back at the Garrison Hunk always was such a saint on days like this, holding him and making sure he ate and drank properly. But this wasn’t the Garrison, they were defenders of the universe now, and Hunk shouldn’t have to deal with one of Lance’s off days. It hurt to be alone, he craved physical touch and comfort. Craved someone loving him. But he didn’t have the luxury out here in the middle of space. So Lance ended up in the common room with burning eyes, laying on his back and occupying his hands with fiddling with the fraying ends of his sweater sleeves so he wouldn’t end up scratching at his arms or thighs. 

As the tears escaped Lance focused on his breathing and counting down from 1000 by 7’s in his head in an attempt to distract himself.


	2. Chapter 2

After Shiro parted ways with Keith, sending him off to rest but knowing Keith he would probably train, he grabbed his tablet from his room and headed to the common room to do some reading up on a couple reports the Blade had sent over. However when he got to the common room he was frozen in his tracks by the sight of a sleeping Lance on the couch. 

Immediately, the first thing his eyes were drawn to were Lance’s impossibly long legs, exposed because of the short shorts Lance was wearing. Shiro longed to run his hands up them, to kiss the bruises that marked his legs from training. But he chastised himself for thinking that, reminded himself that he was Lance’s leader and it would be inappropriate. And that the chances of Lance reciprocating the feelings were minimal at best.

The next things he noticed, when he had forced his eyes from Lance’s exposed skin, was Lance’s twitching hands curled up by his face. The swollen eyes and tear tracks. Despite the calm sleeping face Lance was obviously distressed before he had fallen asleep. 

Shiro’s heart nearly stopped at the thought, and he wanted to deny it, Lance was one of the happiest and brightest souls he knew, but the evidence was in front of his face. And it made him sick. 

Why didn’t Lance come to him? He trusted him didn’t he? But he obviously didn’t go to Hunk, and Hunk was his best friend. So there had to be more at play, there had to be a reason Lance didn’t go to his best friend or his leader for help, choosing to cry alone in the common room instead.

Then it hit him. 

Lance tried so hard to build other people up, to make sure he was attentive to their issues and problems and to help them the best he could. He was selfless to a T. Shiro couldn’t remember the last time he saw anything but a smile on his face if they weren’t in battle, even if sometimes it was strained. And it had been this morning, just a little. Which meant this couldn’t be a one time thing. Lance had been hiding it for a while, and there was only one explanation Shiro could think of that would fit Lance’s personality.

He didn’t want to be a burden.

That was completely unacceptable. Even if Shiro didn’t have the hots for Lance. As a leader it was Shiro’s responsibility to make sure his team mates were okay, to make sure they knew it was okay to not be okay, and that he was always there for them to talk to. Obviously he wasn’t doing a stellar job at that.  
Shiro was drawn out of his thoughts when Lance mumbled in his sleep and curled up on his side, reminding Shiro of the problem at hand. Lance was not okay, and Shiro wanted to do anything he could do to help. However, he couldn’t do much while Lance was asleep and he didn’t want to wake him up. He probably needed to rest. But the couches in here weren’t all the comfortable, Lance would most likely be in pain when he woke up because of that. So Shiro did the only thing he could do to help at the moment.

He gently gathered Lance up into his arms, Lance curling closer to Shiro’s chest and mumbling some more but remaining asleep. Then Shiro began the journey to Lance’s room, making sure to not bounce too much so he didn’t wake Lance. He didn’t wake up but with the movement Lance’s shorts did begin to slip up his thighs, drawing Shiro’s eye and revealing scars lining the soft skin. 

For the probably fifth time in the past hour Shiro’s heart dropped to his knees, the scars were distinct, easy to recognize. He could barely believe that his happy go lucky Lance has done this to himself. Chosen to harm himself. But logically Shiro knew that even the happiest person in the world has their lows, and they were in the middle of a intergalactic war. It was silly to believe that Lance was perfectly okay, it just turns out he’s so good at hiding it that it wasn’t hard to believe.

However, thankfully, the scars seemed relatively old, so hopefully he hasn’t done it in a while. Another however, Shiro knows that it’s still a risk, no matter how longs it’s been. 

When Shiro finally reached Lance’s room he considered just tucking him in and leaving, but the idea of leaving Lance alone didn’t sit well with him, at least not until he had talked to Lance. 

So Shiro settled himself on the bed, laying back and shifting so Lance was resting against his chest in what Shiro hoped was a comfortable position, finally pulling the blanket over the both of them and almost subconsciously running his fingers through Lance’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know who's perspective to write the next chapter in, should I stay with Shiro or go back to Lance? Leave your thoughts in the comments and we'll see what happens.


	3. Chapter 3

Lance woke up slowly, with the crater in his chest though it was marginally smaller due to the warm hands running through his hair and up and down his back. It was soothing, drawing the tension from his muscles. But then he woke up completely, and remembered that he had fallen asleep in the common room.

Lance’s body tensed up immediately, and he pushed away from whoever was holding him. The person let out a grunt of surprise but didn’t make any move to grab him again.

“Lance? Are you okay?” The voice was soft but deep and Lance recognized it immediately.

“Shiro?” Lance leaned over and hit the panel next to his bed, the dim lights lining above the bed coming to life. Shiro’s face came into view, shadow’s deepening the worried lines that creased it. “What are you doing here? You didn’t have to carry me into my room, I was fine on the couch.”

Small bursts of anxiety started buzzing through Lance’s system. He was being a bother. He had worried Shiro, who should be focused on making sure he himself is okay. He shouldn’t be wasting emotional energy on Lance.

“Hey, hey, Lance.” A hand fell on Lance’s, which were busy wringing each other, but the hand was light enough that Lance could pull away if he wanted to. He didn’t. “It’s okay. That couch isn’t all that comfortable, you would have hurt when you woke up.”

“Oh...” Lance looked down at their connected hands. “Thank you. I’m sorry for making you worry. But why are you still here?”

“Well, um,” Shiro cleared his throat. “You sleeping on the couch wasn’t the only thing that had me worried.”

Lance’s heart lodged in his throat.

“Lance, are you okay?”

Heart still in his throat he jumped into one of his many practiced responses, the words like vinegar on his tongue. “What? Dude, of course. I’m just a little wiped from the last fight.”

Lance felt a little tremor in Shiro’s hand and the frown on his face deepened. “Lance, it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t need to lie.”

The words hit Lance hard, and his eyes began to burn. Shiro wasn’t a bad person, Lance knew that, he was a amazing person but Lance wasn’t expecting him to say anything like that.

“I...” Lance’s mouth opened and closed, gaping for an answer but his throat closed up. His only response was tears streaming down his cheeks. Shiro’s grip tightened.

Can I hold you?”

“Please...” Lance whimpered.

Thick arms wrapped around Lance, gently pulling him into Shiro’s chest. Without meaning to Lance melted into Shiro’s hold, his cries getting heavier as Shiro’s human hand rubbing up and down his back.

Shiro didn’t say anything else, just hummed gently and rocked back and forth.

Eventually Lance calmed down, body going lax with the occasional sniffles. Then he pulled away a bit, looking at Shiro with his sad ocean eyes. “I’m sorry, sometimes I just get sort of messed up in my head. It’s just gotten a tad bit worse since I can’t get my meds out here in space.” Lance let out a wet chuckle, rubbing at one of his eyes with the heel of his hand.

“Oh, Lance.” Shiro also raised one of his hands to swipe away at the tears with the pad of his thumb and cup his cheek. Lance subconsciously leaned into it. “Why didn’t you tell any of us? We could have tried to help you.”

Shame coursed through Lance and his eyes fell to his lap. “I didn’t want to bother you guys with my silly problems.”

“Depression isn’t a silly problem. And even if it was a silly problem you were dealing with we would do everything in our power to help anyways. We love you so much.”

Fresh tears sprung up in Lance’s eyes, caused by mixed emotions. He felt worry, that he was causing his team distress. That the words coming out of Shiro’s mouth were all lies. But there was also joy and contentedness. When someone he loves returns the love and care it lessened the ache, dampened the voices, made it easier to get up in the morning.

“Thank you.” Lance cried with a smile on his lips and fell into Shiro’s arms again.   
   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I'm satisfied with this ending, it feels rushed and I'm sorry that Shiro and Lance don't exactly get together in this story. I didn't want to force the relationship, especially in a story where I was focusing on Lance's anxiety and depression, it drives me insane when movies magically fix that stuff with a kiss or a love confession. Yikes, rambling. Anyways, thank you for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> Come shout at me on tumblr at lalalancey


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